Not Really Alone
by Writingfrenzy
Summary: Have you ever noticed how 2/3 friendship is really only explored in one episode? This story explores their relationship after their friends have been decommissioned. It revolves around a single conversation and lots of inner thoughts. There is a slight death mention but it's pretty brief. If character driven one-shots are up your alley this is definitely for you.


**In my bio, I talk about "sporadic posting and weird one-shots". This story checks both boxes. Over a month after posting and I'm back at it again with angsty fanfiction about a kids show. Also sorry for the confusing summary (I'm hoping the story is more understandable).**

"I'm sorry," It was an awful way to start. These words were so overused, and I doubt that they meant anything to her. But I had to say them.

I had to let her know I was thinking them. That they had been all I had been thinking about for a long time.

"I know." Her lips shook for a moment, and I was afraid that she would start crying again. Her tear streaked cheeks and red-rimmed eyes were proof that she had been crying for a while before I had come.

Hearing someone cry was never any fun, especially if that person was her.

But she didn't start to cry, instead, her mouth quirked up into a shaky smile. It was awkward and looked more like a grimace, but at least she was smiling. No matter how fake her smile seemed.

"Guess I just never thought you'd leave me too." Her smile faded being replaced by deep lines marring her smooth forehead.

Guilt was thrown upon me thousands of times heavier than it had been before.

Her statement hanging in the air, as she looked expectantly at me. Waiting for me to say something. Anything.

Searching for something to say wasn't easy. It had to be something that would make up for everything that had been done to her. Something to take back all of my mistakes. Something to relieve this awful guilt.

"First Nigel left, then Abby, and then Wally left too," Her voice was shaking now, and for a moment it seemed clear that she was going to start crying. " But you promised me that you were going to stay."

"Why didn't you stay?" She couldn't hold it together anymore. Letting the deep, loud sobs escape her chest. Allowing the river of tears to flow freely. Not even stopping to wipe her eyes.

"Kuki," It seemed hopeless, to try and comfort her. "I won't leave you again. I promise I'll stay this time." Maybe it was the right thing to say. Maybe she'd stop her crying, and feel a little bit better about this.

Maybe she would forgive me.

But those hadn't been the right words. The words she wanted to hear didn't even exist, because she didn't want to hear words.

Not a single part of her was not broken or bruised in some way. Fragile as a glass carousel, that someone had hurled onto the ground. Leaving the thousands of pieces for someone to pick up.

For me to try and fix.

Each sob she let out, forlorn and deep, poked a new hole into my heart.

"Ok, I guess I should be honest," I whispered, purposefully quiet. Almost completely silent.

She quickly wiped at her eyes and turned to me.

"Honest about what?" Good hearing was a quality of hers that I shouldn't have forgotten. Our second-grade hearing test was punctuated by the school nurse describing her sense of hearing 'As acute as a barn owl'.

"It was hard for me to stay," Sadness must be going around like the flu because my eyes start to well up. So much for not crying today. "Being around you reminded me of them. The fact they left us was easy to ignore when I was by myself, but with you, I could never escape it. Even now all I can think about is them."

"Oh, Hoagie," She regarded me sadly. "Why didn't you tell me you felt this way?"

"I thought it would be selfish," The words tumble out before I can stop them. "You needed someone to comfort you, and it wouldn't be fair for me to bring up my own issues."

"That isn't being selfish," Her voice is firm now, no longer wavering up and down. "That's being honest. Being honest with me is all I really want you to do."

She took my hands in hers and for the first time in a long while she smiled at me. Her real smile.

"After all if you're honest with me, then we can go through this together." She pulled me even closer to her. " It's okay to miss them. No matter how awful it makes you feel, it's ok."

I did miss them. I missed them so much that it hurt to even hear their names. It had been easier to hide from the pain, to ignore it. But no matter how much I tried to will it away, it stayed with me. Weighing me down.

Something inside me broke, a dam of sorts, and now all of the emotions were free. Releasing themselves in the form of hot tears blinding my vision. Anger, Sadness, Pain, Grief, Loneliness.

For a moment it felt like the pain that I felt when my father had died.

The fiery plane crash that took his life had seemed determined to ruin mine as well.

Perhaps that's why it had been so painful to lose Nigel. To be ignored relentlessly by Abby. To have a former best friend ridicule you for all of your dorky ways.

First Dad had left. Followed by the very people I thought I could keep forever.

Maybe that was what my life was destined to be. Filled with people I have grown to rely on, only to have them snatched away when they're needed the most.

Kuki hugged me closer to her and I could hear her crying now as well. Sharing my emotions and taking some of the weight off my shoulders.

As we cried together sharing our sadness, negative emotions starting to fade. Draining from the awful pit in my stomach that had been left ignored.

Relief filled in the cracks and crevices that had been eroded by the constant pain.

Even though it had felt so awful to face the losses I had gone through, it had been worth it.

Despite being abandoned and constantly left to be alone, I still had a friend who would go through it with me. Who would hold me and comfort me, who would help me face unpleasant truths.

We stayed like that, Kuki and I, holding onto each other and crying until we had no tears left.

I released her and for the first time looked at her properly, taking in her red-rimmed brown eyes and slightly upturned nose. Her mouth quirked up ever so slightly, forming a small grin.

"Thank you," A wave of gratitude washed over me. "Thank you for hugging me and letting me cry. Thank you for understanding. Thank you for just being here with me."

"I'll always be there for you," Her eyes locked on mine earnestly. "No matter what."

There was another thing I had forgotten about her. Throughout her silly nature and painfully short attention span, she had always been there for anyone who needed her. Whether that be a ridiculed robotic rainbow monkey, a horde of misguided mustaches, or even just a friend who needed a shoulder to cry on.

"I'll be there for you too."

No matter how hard it might be.

**Ugh, what even is writing? **

**I've always really wanted to explore 2/3's friendship with each other. Operation S.I.X got me really interested in their interactions with each other, which of course led me to write angst about their relationship. When writing this creating a romance between the two was the furthest thing from my mind, but this, of course, can be interpreted in any way. So if 2/3 floats your boat this can definitely be read in a romantic light. ****Comments, complaints, and questions are always welcome. Constructive criticism is heavily encouraged. **

**I hope everyone enjoys this story. I definitely will be writing more for this fandom in the future. **


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